Tag: Cancer ABCs

One of the things that I’ve found over the years is that a sense of humor can really help. Here are a few funny (maybe) quotes. Hopefully, at least a couple will make you laugh. 🙂

These quotes are from Cancer ABCs: [actually, they’re mostly groaners.]

Taken From Actual Doctor’s Notes

1. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
3. On the second day, the knee was better, and then on the third day it disappeared.
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
5. Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.
6. Healthy-appearing decrepit, 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
7.  The patient refused autopsy.
8. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
9. Patient’s medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40-pound weight gain in the last three days.
10. She is numb from her toes down.
11. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
12.  Skin: somewhat pale but present.

Top Ten Ways To Know You Are A Cancer Thriver 

1. Your alarm clock goes off at 6 a.m. and you’re glad to hear it.
2. Your mother-in-law invites you to lunch and you just say NO.
3. You’re back in the family rotation to take out the garbage.
4. When you no longer have an urge to choke the person who says, “all you need to beat cancer is the right attitude.”
5. When your dental floss runs out and you buy 1000 yards.
6. When you use your toothbrush to brush your teeth and not comb your hair.
7. You have a chance to buy additional life insurance but you buy a new convertible car instead.
8. Your doctor tells you to lose weight and do something about your cholesterol and you actually listen.
9. When your biggest annual celebration is again your birthday, and not the day you were diagnosed.
10. When you use your Visa card more than your hospital parking pass.